Midnight Thoughts


Every since I was little, I have believed in fairies. It was the only girly thing that I had, since I grew up with all boys around me. So, the only girly thing that I had as a kid was fairies. My grandma would try to buy me normal Barbie dolls but I wouldn’t have it. The reason being was because the boys that were over all the time would cut their hair or draw on them so I had a few fairy dolls hidden. I loved them. There was no hiding that but at the same time I never really told anyone about them until now. I was very secretive as a child. That was the main problem when I was younger. That and I loved my revenge.

Sorry this is a short one tonight. Hope everyone enjoyed their day and hope you have a great day tomorrow. Goodnight everyone.

About Me., Midnight Thoughts

When I was little…

Okay so when I was little (about 6 or 7 years old) I knew that I wanted to do something with art. Not knowing what all art has under its wings. Before I get on a tangent about what all is considered art let me tell you about me. Art was my favorite thing along with telling stories. Yeah most parents tell their that they can be anything that they wanted. Well my dad wasnt in the picture until I was about 10 or 11. My mother was in and out of my life until I was about 9 or 9 1/2. When she showed up on my grandma’s door saying that she wanted me to move in with her. Of course my grandma being the sane person she is said no. That my mother would have to prove to her that she can take care of me. Well in the end she did show her that she could take care of me and make sure I went to school everyday. So, I moved in with her. She started dating a guy a few months after I moved in with her. He was an okay guy. I mainly liked his cooking but what do I know. Well they broke up but they stayed friends. He introduce my mother to my now step dad. They dated for about a six months before he moved in. About four months later she told me I was going to have a sibling. I always wanted someone to play with so I was happy. I was even more happier when I found out that it was a boy. I thought that i could teach him everything I knew. That he would come out ready to play. I didn’t understand that babies didn’t play like I did, I was still happy. When he started learning how to walk is when I started getting annoyed at him. He would always get into my stuff. I still loved him but I didn’t want him in my stuff. I would run down the hallway with him hot on my heels in his little bouncy walker. We started a room so, I would tell him stories that i made up when he couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t sleep because he would see me and think it was play time.

I miss those days when there were no boys that I wanted to date no sisters. Don’t get me wrong I love my sister but it was much more simpler without the three of them. I wouldn’t trade them for anything but I can’t help but think what would happen if they weren’t there. So back to little me. I would tell everyone stories some of them where based on true one but most of them weren’t true. But that’s a lot more than I thought I would put down in this post. But hey from what I’ve heard more is better. Well have a good day and a good week. Let me know if you want to know more about little me.

Midnight Thoughts


This is something that I found in a flash drive from school.

The night sky is really pretty in the middle of nowhere!

How can I live in the middle of nowhere?

How is it going to be better for me?

How I am I going to make new friends in the years it took me five years to feel like I fit in?

Not only that how am I going to tell my best friends that I am leaving?

Wow in the time it took me to really understand what it felt like to be loved it was over I was moving away!

How is it when I started to love everyone around me I have to start all over again with new friends!

And a new school and a new home!

Why is it so hard to say goodbye when you do not know if you are ever going to see them again!

Why do you tell them you love them when everyone that is older then you tells you “You do not know what love is?”

Why is it when I fall on love my family wants to move?

It is going to be really hard to say goodbye!

I Do not want the school year to end I want to stay in this school until I do not have to!

Another year is going by so fast!

Losing friends left and right!

Don’t know what to do?

I have asked for help but never got the help I was asking for!

Seams everyone hates me again!

Don’t know what I did.

If someone asked me what I did I would not be able to tell him/her what happened what just went down!

What is happening in my life!

Life is all about ups and downs.

Midnight Thoughts

If memory lane was real?

If memory lane was real?

               Memory would be a place that everyone would want to visit because it holds all their happiest memories, but everyone often forgets that it has the sad, painful and regrettable memories as well. Some people come here right after they part from someone. So, they can remember what they had good going in their life before that person or with the person. Some people live in memory lane because they can’t let go of the past, so they are stuck here. Here is a place that no one really wants to get rid of but it is a place that no one really wants to stay at either. Everyone wants to keep it around for their own personal uses. Some don’t even want to share it. Some want to burn it to the ground. Then there are some who really don’t care about it. Memory lane is as real as we make it.

               So, the first memory I would see if memory lane is the one that my grandma always told me about. My grandma owned a trailer down but the Muskingum river. I was about five or six years old. It was a really hot day, so my uncle Matt, had gotten two water guns to supper soakers and two of the baby water guns. Well he kept the big ones for himself and gave me the small ones. By noon I was soaking wet and I hadn’t even got a drop of water on him. He says we are done and he sits down at the table we had outside. I was so mad that I waited one hour. During that hour I was thinking of way to get him back. I finally came up with a plan. I went in the trailer and gotten a bottle of water from the fridge. I took it out to him and stood next to him. He ruffled my hair. That just pissed me off even more. Grandma had just gotten done fixing it from the first time he messed it up. I opened the ice-cold water and went to hand it to him as he reached out for it I dumped it on his lap. He jumped up so quick that he knocked over the chair. Before the chair hit the ground, I was gone. I ran as fast as my little legs would take me. I could hear everyone laughing and my uncle shooting that I come back this insisted. But being me I didn’t. I could hear my grandma yelling at him telling him to stop it. I made a loop back to my grandma’s trailer knowing that she would stop him before he could get to me. When I got there, she gave me a high-five and told me good job. When uncle finally caught up with me. My grandma stepped in front of him and told him to stop this right now. She went on to tell him that he had gotten what he dissevered. I couldn’t stop laughing because it looked like he had pissed himself. He learned not to mess with me when it came to water because I will get my revenge one way or another.

               So, I would have to give memory lane a three out of five because along with the good memories there are bad ones. For some people, like me, the bad out ways the good. So, this isn’t a place that I would like to visit. My past is just a reminder of how I have messed up in my past. This is my opinion and it is not a fact. Have a nice day and a nice week. Love you guys.

Midnight Thoughts

Little about me.

So, this is the first blog that I have done. I’ve wanted to become an author but was told that they wouldn’t publish my first book without having 100 people willing to buy my book. They told me that I could start a blog to gain readers. I don’t know if all publishers are like this but I guess they have to make their money somehow. I am 22 years old. My favorite color is blue. I am really excited to be blogging. I thought that maybe I would be good at blogging but never thought that I would really do it. I know that sounds dumb but hey, that something that I do. I talk myself out of a lot of things. This is the first time that I went against my brain. I’ve been trying to do that more. The reason why is because I live with Depression, PTSD and Anxiety. Things that make it hard for me to do anything that I want to do. I am so scared that people are going to make fun of me for being me. I had that all in my high, middle and elementary school days. That part of the reason why I am doing online school. I don’t think I would be able to handle someone picking on me in person. My fiancé is so supportive of me doing this. He thinks it will be a great idea. I wish I my family was on the same page as him but we don’t talk anymore do to fighting all the time. I Have four younger sibling. When I say younger the one that is just under me in age is 12 years old. There is 11 years between us. He just turned 12 a few months ago. I didn’t get to tell him happy birthday because when I call my step-dad answered the phone and told me never to call them again. I cried for weeks after that. I know that my mother wouldn’t have told me that but I know that its for the best for now. Until they getting everything together. I just wanted to let you know some more about me. More posts to come. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Have a great day.



Midnight Thoughts

Midnight Thoughts

So, this is the first midnight thoughts that I have been about to do. I am just going to be writing about what is on my mind. It will be one sentence pre-number. So, don’t be made at me if they don’t make complete since to you. If you don’t understand please ask and I will try to explain it better. So, here goes nothing.

  1. Why can’t people understand there are some people out there looking out for them?
  2. I didn’t mean to sound mean when I said that “you aren’t doing that right.”
  3. People need to thing about other when making choices.
  4. What I do or don’t effects others.
  5. Everything I do has some form of a bad outcome.
  6. It sucks that mu partner can’t have kids right now.
  7. Life isn’t always fair.
  8. Why can’t someone just hug me and tell me that it will workout in the end, even though they themselves don’t know if it will.
  9. I just want to go hide in a hole.
  10. I hate myself for loving someone I can’t have.
  11. Keep talking and nobody explodes is really fun.
  12. Today is my fathers birthday.
  13. I wish I could see him today but I can’t because he is working today.
  14. It sucks to work on your birthday, but that’s life.
  15. Why does someone have to go through things to try and understand said thing?
  16. Why is it so hard to keep up on my daily things?
  17. August seems like a nice kid.
  18. Via is a good big sister.
  19. I don’t think I would be able to do what she is doing.
  20. Green wall for a den doesn’t look very good.
  21. The color is puke green or that’s what I think it looks like.
  22. This is somewhat hard to write what it going through my darn mind.
  23. It’s running at mile a second and I can barely keep up.
  24. I want to go back and fix my mistakes when I am writing.
  25. But that will slow this down.
  26. I know I need to fix them but I also what to get this done before 1 o’clock.
  27. I think that is all for now.
  28. Wait I want to get to 30 before I am done.
  29. I can’t think of anything else.
  30. People can be so mean.
  31. Night everyone.
  32. Enjoy you night.
  33. Love you all.
  34. Yay, I got it done by 1 am.